I remember a time in college, specifically my freshman year, where everything was so new. The experience of the unknown and sharing stories as a “block” (we had our own group of people that were in the same core classes that were required for our freshman year). My freshman year, at a private Christian college, was a mystery to be unraveled and looking back I thank everyone who was part of my journey. God placed every person in my life at a specific point for a reason, but eventually I took the road that was full of hurt and deceit. For even those experiences made me into a stronger person. A friend at the college, was an awesome soul, and when he spoke I could tell he spoke with the truth and kept in union with God. At that point in time I was full of a yearning to learn everything, soaking all the information up and excelling at subjects that were tough. To look back at everything, one of my worst lessons was to run away from God and hide from Him. Instead of seeking His approval I was a lost soul who knew that the road I chose from my own will would be my own destruction. I also was counseled, on numerous occasions to find a way to run back to God, because in my heart I was not happy without God.
“I am Second” by Dave Sterrett and Doug Bender is a book that was given to me by a fellow classmate and he told me to pass it on to someone who needs encouragement in a world full of imperfections once I was done reading the book. Looking at the world now I know my spirit and soul made connections for a reason. Life is full of so many reasonable and beautiful souls as well as the world in connection to nature and just about everything. The book that I read were about experiences and hardships that everyone had and they ultimately, through God, could find purpose in their life. I didn’t quite realize at that time that we all have a “calling” that God gives each unique individual and He(God) has His reasons. If, as humans with free will, choose to live a life full of sin and ways that do not please God then God will be our judgement. I am not perfect and I realize that I am a sinner every day for the rest of my life, but that does not mean I must belittle myself and say “I’m unworthy.” I can choose to have a love for money and for the pleasures of man, and I know hiding from God for three years of my life I was without purpose and was in no way filled with joy, or I can choose the One (God) who simply wants us as we are.
My life was pointless, and not in a suicidal way, but in a way where if I lived to please others instead of God that was and is the ultimate death sentence for my soul. I know true in my heart that only God will judge me, but I have come to realize (regardless of my competitive nature) that I am nothing without the union of God. I have studied other religions on my own and nothing made me overcome with joy, because religion is a term that can lead many astray. I get it there’s hypocrisy everywhere we look! The music being made that turns women into objects to politics and just about everything being corrupt. Isn’t everything corrupt due to the simple fact of free will? There’s sin, because God allows one to choose His path or the path of man. If there’s no uniting in the path that leads to eternal life, then there will always be corruption. I am not forcing one to do anything I am simply stating that through God He is the only one who will make things great and perfect them and that is the greatest joy to one’s wounded and hurting heart.
Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.”